Traveling with Dad is Cool!
An informal chat with Marcos Piangers, the father who writes about active parenting and reflects here about the advantages of family trips
By Sut-Mie Guibert
A speaker on creativity, innovation and parenting, the author of best-sellers such as “Dad is Cool,” which has been translated into several languages and is to be released in movie theaters on August 11, Marcos Piangers is also known as an internet phenomenon. However, despite all this work and celebrity, Marcos is, above all, the husband of Ana and the father of Anita and Aurora. These are the girls who made him into this dedicated and passionate father who talks about his family experiences and deconstructs macho parenting in order to reconstruct it in a more participatory and loving manner.
In an exclusive interview with the Family Trip Magazine, Marcos agreed to talk about the importance of family trips (despite not posting about them on social networks), to reflect on the benefits and challenges of journeys and to motivate other parents to connect and travel with their children. What was supposed to be a simple conversation turned into a profound and reflective class about parenting, travel and ways of learning about and accepting our children. Come and be inspired.
How did you start traveling?
My mother was a single mother and the trips we took were at the end of the year to see my grandparents. This happened after I was over seven years old. We lived in Florianópolis and my grandparents lived in Novo Hamburgo, which is a city close to Porto Alegre. I remember traveling in a white Beetle that had a seat belt that was most annoying because it was hidden under the back seat. I also loved the encyclopedias of my friends and what I wanted most was to be able to browse through them, in order to understand the world and have more knowledge. I grew up thinking that better than reading about France is getting to know France! I had a dream of going to Europe, just for historical curiosity.
So, when my daughter was just one year old, my wife and I, who had never left Brazil, decided to get to know Europe and off we went to Paris. Hence, the text came about “Excessive guilt in the luggage” from the book Dad is Cool, because of our conscience, even if it was an extremely enjoyable trip. Once we break down this barrier of the fears of traveling (what will it be like, losing your passport, having your dollars stolen…) everything gets better. And then, of course, the more you travel, the calmer you become.
What do you like most about traveling?
I believe that knowing the culture of the place is knowing the people and the food. I put food there because the food is a kind of a history of that place. Mexicans put a lot of pepper in food because they did not have a refrigerator; it’s dried meat in Brazil, tucupi in the North… all food tells stories about that particular place. A person who travels, who only goes to shopping malls and fast-food restaurants is only reinforcing the preconceptions with everything that is different. I understand the fear that many people have of opening up to the world, but it is very beautiful when we overcome our fears, when we learn about what is different and break away from our preconceptions.
“When we go to tremendously different and challenging places even for our preconceptions, we are, in some way, expanding our horizons and teaching our children that different can be enjoyable, that different is good and that different can be trustworthy. I think a successful person is a person who trusts in himself, who trusts others and who trusts in tomorrow and in the future. Travel plays a fundamental role in this building of trust and culture.”
Your eldest daughter is already a teenager. What has changed in your travel?
It has changed in that my daughter now likes to shop, she likes stores that have different things, she loves a bookstore, a stationery store, buying books, pens and writing pads. And shopping is something that I never liked, and neither did my wife; we joke that the children grow and we adapt to them.
Have you ever traveled alone with them?
I went to live in Porto Alegre when my daughter was one year old. And I used to go to Florianópolis every month for work. Every month I took her because, when she was less than two years old, she went for free. So, we traveled every month, me and her, on our own.
Did you feel people looking at you?
All the time. Everybody. One hundred percent of the time! Even when I met acquaintances, they asked me what had happened and if I needed any help (he laughs).
According to a survey of customers of the Agência Viajar com Crianças, only 10% of separated parents travel alone with their small children. It is as if they do not know how to deal with their children. Does this surprise you?
I have a lot of compassion for this type of parent. We sometimes forget how much this father, this boy, this young man, this adult was raised in order not to get involved with his family and children. We forget that it is a cultural construction and that it has nothing to do with the individual or should not have. It has to do with the culture that provides only five days of paternity leave, which does not offer a changing table in the men’s bathroom and where no doll says “daddy.” It is a culture in which the man who abandons the home is not seen as someone who is bad, just as someone who was unprepared at that time, whereas a woman who abandons her child is a witch. We need to deconstruct the myths of what it is to be a man. And being a man is not to be violent, aggressive, competitive; it’s not about drinking all the time or picking up women. Being a man is not about driving dangerously and fighting and beating everybody up. This is being immature, an ill-mannered brat. And many adult men are ill-mannered brats. Unfortunately. This is not the fault of the individual; it is the fault of a culture that does not teach the man to make the transition from an ill-mannered brat to a well-behaved kid and from a well-behaved kid to a well-behaved adult.
The more you travel, the more you see how there are ancient civilizations and different cultures that value the potential of man and his strength as a carer, not only of his offspring, but also as a carer of the people who are around him and a carer of himself, which is something that every man needs. He needs it and he denies it.
What advice would you give to this father?
When a father has the opportunity to travel alone with his children, it is his chance to get to know his children.
I always say that the process of parenting is a process of three steps:
- To KNOW is the first step, because there are many fathers who don’t even know who their child is, what they like, their favorite things. There are many fathers who don’t know the name of the teacher or the phone number of the pediatrician… First you have to know your child and this takes time. A trip is an excellent opportunity for you to spend time together and to get to know your child.
- Then we go to the second step, which is very difficult and many fathers do not want to do it, which is to ACCEPT: you will accept your child. (My daughter now likes to shop. I have to look at her and say “ok, here’s my credit card”). However, I will accept the way you are. Because I know you. If I know you, I know what you like and I accept you for who you are.
- And the third step is to CELEBRATE. Because just accepting is insufficient. We have to celebrate these differences. The discomfort that fatherhood and motherhood bring is also present in getting to learn about new things on a trip. The discomfort is what shapes you; it makes you a much more essential person, in the sense of looking within yourself and discovering who you are. And then again: trusting in yourself, trusting in the other person and trusting in the future. In this, travel plays a key role.
Why is it worth traveling together?
Knowing, accepting and celebrating your child is a long and sometimes painful process. However, it can be made easier with trips, because with each one, you will become closer: you sleep together, have lunch together and are always exchanging experiences. The trip is very good for all this learning and I believe this is especially true for very busy parents: the trip is the chance that we have to be there looking at each other, one hundred percent together all of the time.
Do you have any unforgettable trips?
We love diving and watching the fish. But I think that when we went to Praia dos Carneiros I was really so very happy… I remember it being on a late afternoon with the beach empty, the sky pink, my daughters happily swimming in the sea and it being one of those moments when I thought: “Man, this is what I have always wanted. This is maybe my greatest achievement in life.” Being able to be with the girls, close to nature. Nature is very important to our family and we have a very strong relationship with it. And maybe it was also so very enjoyable because there was no Wi-Fi.
Being together twenty-four hours: these are very genuine experiences. And this search for the truth, for authenticity, is part of the vacation and the traveling.
See the full interview on our social networks
“Wherever you are, you can be happy, you can be connected, you can be discovering your best parenting, and you can be knowing, accepting and celebrating your child. A trip can significantly help in this learning process.”
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