Family Album

Double Fatherhood and an Abundance of Love

Meet the story of this family comprising two fathers and three children, and see how love and inclusion transform society

By Sut-Mie Guibert

Janderson Lima (affectionately called Janson) is a dentist, and together with Pedro, they have been a couple for a long time. They’ve always been party-goers and travelers. Now, with three children, their adventures and challenges have grown. The interest of same-sex couples in getting married and having children has considerably increased. In 2015, the Supreme Federal Court authorized same-sex couples to apply for adoption. In the last four years, the overall number of adoptions has increased by 113%. However, this wasn’t the path chosen by Janson and Pedro, who opted for a different solution. But no one better than them to tell this story.

Read the inspiring story of this family and see how the world becomes better when everyone is accepted for who they are.

How did the desire to become parents arise?

Pedro always wanted to be a parent. We’ve been together for 23 years, and from the very beginning, he had this longing to be a father. However, we witnessed the stories of some couples, around 20-something years ago, attempting adoption that turned out to be very frustrating. Things have changed a lot today, but a couple of our friends even brought a child home and later the judges denied them custody, and they had to return the child! Because of this, the option of adoption for us was off the table: we wouldn’t go down that path. But I was also quite young and didn’t have the desire to be a parent at that moment.

This desire came later, as the years went by. Other possibilities emerged, like women willing to be surrogate mothers for shared parenting… but none of that interested us. Until we met a couple who went through a surrogacy process with an Israeli agency. We became close friends, traveled together, spent time with their family and children… and from there, on a leisure trip to Tel Aviv, while we were at the beach, we saw several same-sex couples with their children, enjoying themselves… That’s when I said, ‘if you want to have a child in this way, like our friends did, with a surrogate mother, outside of Brazil and with an anonymous donor… I’m in.’ Pedro jumped up with excitement! He left the beach and said, ‘Well then, let’s sort this out now!’ Right from the beach, we went straight to a meeting that we managed to set up with the agency, which facilitated the entire surrogacy process, and we started our treatments right there in Israel.

How did your families react?

We took a long time to tell them! Because the process is lengthy. We told our families when we were already pregnant with the girls (twins) and they were shocked! Everyone reacted in a very positive way! My mother, at the time, questioned, “But how will you be able to take care of a child?” I had always been a partygoer, constantly traveling. So, she said, “But you know you have to stop traveling, right?! You’ll have a child to take care of!” Until then, she didn’t know they were twins, and that the third one was on the way! (laughs).

Our families had known us as a couple for a long time, we had been together for quite a while. And it was pure happiness, because I am the youngest of 3 siblings and Pedro is the youngest of 5 siblings.

Our younger nieces and nephews were already 15/16 years old, so after all of this, with established families, grown grandchildren, and from where no one could have ever imagined more children, three came all of a sudden!
It was a breath of life for the whole family, as our children became the sensation!

How was it when the children were born?

It was challenging to go through a process that didn’t exist in Brazil, in a completely different country, and we knew we would have to stay there – just Pedro and I – when the children were born, and that’s exactly what happened.

When they were born, we took care of them from the very beginning. We didn’t have the support of family, nurses, or anyone else: it was just the two of us for a long time. From their first bath, taking care of the umbilical cord until it fell off, changing diapers… everything! It was just the two of us, and that brought us even closer. It also made us feel the birth of this relationship with the children – a really close one. There was no interference from anyone, no visitors. We spent over 30 days with just the two of us and the twins. Then we returned to Brazil, and almost four months later, Pedro was born. We had to leave the girls with our families and go there again to welcome Vitor. When he was born, we were there, and the process repeated itself. We did video calls with the girls… but when Vitor set foot in Brazil with us, we felt that our family was complete!

The emotion when they were born was… (silence)… the most anticipated thing in our lives!
From the moment we decided to become parents, we spared no effort!

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What are the trips like with them?

Today they’re almost 9 years old. They started their lives with travel! Crossing the world, all three of them at 30 days old; we flew from Bangkok (Thailand) to Brazil. Their one-month anniversary happened during an Emirates flight, and when the crew saw that there were twin baby girls on the flight, they brought cake, sang “happy birthday,” took photos… It was really nice!

After that necessary first trip, we started going on outings. We went to Trancoso (Bahia) when they were 3 months old. We didn’t even have a car that could fit everyone; we had to go in two cars! We went to the beach and from there on, we never stopped. We bought a bigger car with a huge trunk and brought travel cribs, baby bathtubs… everything you can imagine! All inflatable, so we wouldn’t face any hassles. We had the help of nannies, especially because it’s like a factory, three kids together! Bath time was like an assembly line: one in the tub, another being dried, another getting dressed… (laughs)… it’s quite funny! There wasn’t enough lap space for everyone. We had to bring a nanny with us so one of the kids could travel on the plane. And even now, when the planes are small (2 seats on each side), there’s always one seat left over!

The secret is to travel with them early: these kids don’t get car sick, nothing! When they were little babies, we’d put them in the car and they’d already be showing their appreciation for life! They’re born into this context and don’t question it. If they have to spend the whole day in the car, they’re fine with it. We have games to play in the car, the stops we like… and since we travel a lot by car (we live in Minas, so we can drive to Bahia, to Belo Horizonte, Rio de Janeiro, Espírito Santo…); it’s not super close, but sometimes it’s easier than taking a flight and going through Belo Horizonte. We already have our usual stopping places, everyone already knows the kids: “Wow, how they’ve grown!”, “You didn’t stop here this year”…

In the beginning, we’d pack everything neatly, make one suitcase for them and one for the couple. Now they want to have their own suitcases. Each of them got their own and we’re starting to let them organize… then we go and fix it, but it’s a lot of work, because they want to bring a bunch of things that make no sense! It’s really nice to see us building this story.

What do they learn?

When we go a long time without traveling, they start to miss it: “wow, I’ve only traveled x times this year!” They learn that the universe extends far beyond the borders of our city, that there are different cultures, that other languages exist, so they need to learn to speak English, otherwise they won’t be able to communicate (as has happened before); that the food we eat here is different, that religious habits are different… It broadens their minds and exposes them to various perspectives. They were the ones who chose this trip to Paris! And we’re already in the process where they prefer to exchange birthday parties for trips, and I think that’s amazing!

Have the children ever been questioned for having two parents? Any tips about raising them regarding how others perceive them?

Since they were born into this context, having two fathers is natural for them. We’ve always been very open about it. We had to explain that there are different types of families. Ours, in their minds, was the norm: two dads with them. But we’ve been explaining that there are cases where there’s a father and a mother, cases with two mothers, cases of children raised by grandparents, children living in orphanages… they’re all still families.

In terms of school and friends, we’ve never had any issues. The children have always been well-received and invited to everything. Their friends want to come over, sleepover, play – there’s no difference at all.

They have faced situations like this before: they’ve been asked in a mall, “Where’s Mommy?” and they naturally respond themselves, saying, “There’s no mom. I have two dads. I’m the son of Dad Janson and Dad Pedro.” We’ve never had problems with this. We’ve even had the opposite happen: in swimming class, Pedro and I took turns attending, so we were present in every class. And then the other children noticed that nannies were there, that parents dropped off the kids, went to work, and came back to pick them up… and one day, a friend’s mother said, “Wow, Pedro and Janson, you’re really setting the bar high! Tomás came to my house talking about wanting to have two dads too because when you have two dads, they attend all the swimming classes!”

What’s the next travel dream?

We want to return to Thailand, all together, to visit the place where they were born, enjoy that special and beautiful country! We’re waiting for them to grow up a little more to better understand everything.

I think the secret is to treat everything with a lot of NATURALNESS.
They are not better than anyone for having two parents, but they are also not worse than anyone. They are just kids, like any other child, and we never show them that they have to be different because our family has a different structure.